OK. An apology for bare-faced clickbait, as well as a whole slew of excuses for actually, physically, buying the Daily Mail, are necessary:
- I couldn’t find a copy of i or The Times at Nero’s, so I was reduced to reading their free copy of the Daily Mail in a sort of post-modern ironist sort of way.
- I saw this “story” and thought it would provide an innocent scintilla of amusement for an otherwise bored LDV reader.
- In an attempt at mobile-detox, I had left my mobile at home. I therefore didn’t have a camera to take a pic of the page (right).
- I guessed (wrongly) that this story wouldn’t be available online but, anyway, guessed (rightly) that the printed page would “big up” this story more than the online version.
- I think this is the first Daily Mail I have bought for several years.
- I was otherwise bored.
I was only following orders.
So, the prediction that Miriam González Durántez will become Liberal Democrat leader in August 2016 is one of a series of “very tongue-in-cheek predictions” from Peter Oborne in his annual, only marginally justifiable, use of trees called “Old Oborne’s Almanac”. You can read the full thing here.
We also read that Nick Clegg will be “exposed as the author of a popular cookery blog”, a prediction which may cause some amusement in the rest of the Clegg household who actually do run their own popular cookery blog (which is well worth reading – there are some excellent festive fare ideas there).
This Miriam-for-leader prediction is divulged alongside such bombshells as a prediction that Boris will become US President. This has a grain of truth to it, in that Boris Johnson was born in New York City and there have already been two Presidents Johnson, however, Boris has renounced his US citizenship and hasn’t been a US resident for 14 years, as predicated by the constitution.
But I am being picky in regards to a piece which is rip-roaring satire, as well as ridiculous Mail obsession, in many places. I particularly enjoyed these snippets of reverie:
- MAY: George Osborne attempts to have the month renamed in a bid to thwart growing support for the Conservative leadership ambitions of his rival, the Home Secretary.
- JUNE: George Osborne is forced to deny a story about a proposed sale-and-leaseback of British airspace to China.
- JULY: (After publication of the Chilcot report in June) David Cameron thanks Sir John Chilcot for his time and effort, and asks him to lead a new inquiry into the need for a third London airport runway. He also imposes a strict time limit on the inquiry of no more than a decade.
- NOVEMBER: …George Osborne (now Prime Minister – I think) finds he is too busy adjusting his fiscal projections to call and congratulate President Johnson. He appoints Theresa May the new Ambassador to Kazakhstan.
Well, I think I have sort of justified giving 90 pence to Lord Rothermere. But, failing that, I fall back on the excuse that I was otherwise bored…
BTW FWIW, with apologies for any unintended condescension, I think Miriam would make an excellent leader of our party but I suspect she is far, far, too clever to want to be.