How to put a lovely, lovely picture at the top of your gorgeous WordPress blog post

Written with an intermittent and terrible attempt at a Welsh accent.

Oh yes. You’ve seen people like Mark Pack with bloody lovely pictures at the top of their blog posts. And you want some of that yourself, don’t you?

Well, here’s a very very simple guide on how to do it.

STEP 1. ONCE YOU HAVE WRITTEN YOUR GORGEOUS POST, MAKE SURE YOU ARE IN TEXT MODE BY HITTING THE “TEXT” TAB AT THE TOP RIGHT HAND SIDE OF THE WRITING SPACE. THEN PUT YOUR LOVELY CURSOR RIGHT AT THE TOP LEFT OF THE TEXT. YES, RIGHT HERE WHERE THE ARROW IS. GO ON, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

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STEP 2. IN A DIFFERENT WINDOW IN YOUR BROWSER, GO TO WWW.GETTYIMAGES.CO.UK

HERE WE ARE. THE BACKGROUND PICTURE CHANGES A LOT, SO I CANNOT GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL SEE THESE TWO MEN SNOGGING.

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YOU MIGHT GET THE DALAI LAMA SMILING AND POINTING AT SOMETHING THAT HAS GREATLY AMUSED HIM:

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OR YOU MIGHT GET BALLS:

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STEP 3. BUT WHATEVER YOU GET, TYPE IN THE MAIN SUBJECT OF YOUR POST IN THE DIALOGUE BOX SLAP BANG IN THE CENTRE OF THE PAGE, WHERE THIS VERY HELPFUL ARROW IS:

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IN THIS EXAMPLE, MY SUBJECT IS “KIRSTY WILLIAMS”

STEP 4. PRESS ENTER AND YOU WILL SOON SEE A VAST PANOPLY OF DELIGHTS OPENING UP BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES. ALL ON YOUR CHOSEN SUBJECT (OR NOT). JUST LOOK!!!!

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STEP 5. IN THIS EXAMPLE, IGNORE THE PHOTOS OF DAVID CAMERON VISITING WILLIAMS F1 AND DOUBLE CLICK ON THE ONE OF KIRSTY WILLIAMS (THE SUBECT OF MY SAMPLE POST) WHICH IS REALLY REALLY LOVELY – YOU SEE THE ONE WITH THE ARROW ABOVE IT? I RECOMMEND THAT YOU PICK A LANDSCAPE ORIENTED PIC.

STEP 6. A BRAND SPANKING NEW BOX WILL OPEN WITH THAT LOVELY LOVELY PICTURE OF KIRSTY IN IT!!!! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO CLICK ON THE LITTLE </> ICON IN A LITTLE CIRCLE JUST BY KIRSTY’S RIGHT EAR:

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STEP 7: AN EXCITING NEW BOX APPEARS SAYING “EMBED THIS IMAGE”. JUST CHECK THAT THE LITTLE CIRCLE FOR THE BIGGEST SIZE IS FILLED IN. THAT SHOULD BE SOMETHING LIKE 594×438, WHICH WILL FIT NICELY ACROSS THE TOP OF YOUR LOVELY LOVELY POST:

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STEP 8: SELECT ALL THE EMBED TEXT IN THE BOX AND RIGHT CLICK AND PRESS “COPY”:

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STEP 9. GO BACK TO YOUR LOVELY LOVELY POST AND RIGHT CLICK AND CHOOSE “PASTE”:

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LO AND BEHOLD! YOU WILL SEE THAT ALL THE LOVELY EMBED TEXT IS NOW AT THE TOP OF YOUR POST. BUT, BY GOD, YOU NEED TO BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE NEXT EXCITEMENT. “YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHIN’ YET”, AS SMASHY SAYS.

STEP 10. PRESS “PREVIEW”. AND LOOK!!!! IF I MAY SAY SO MYSELF, A BLOODY BLOODY LOVELY PICTURE OF KIRSTY AT THE TOP OF MY BLOODY GORGEOUS POST!!!!!!!!!

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OPTIONAL STEP 11 FOR THE PICKIEST OF ANORAKS: TYPE “ALIGNCENTER” JUST BEFORE THE FIRST CLOSING ” IN THE EMBED TEXT. THIS WILL CENTRE UP THE PHOTO IN THE POST COLUMN.

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AND THAT IS IT!!!!! JUST PRESS “PUBLISH” AND YOUR GORGEOUS POST WITH A LOVELY LOVELY PHOTO WILL BE SENT UNTO THE GREAT MASSES AND USUAL SUSPECTS OF THIS LOVELY LOVELY PLACE WE CALL PLANET EARTH!!!!!

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