You start getting laid back at work. You start actually talking to people, rather than coming in and sticking your head in spreadsheets.
You give up trying to look nice and get a real hard ass “American’s most wanted” profile pic.
You start enjoying the Eurovision Song Contest for the fascinating festival of kitsch that it is, content to leave your musical credibility at the door.
You start actually watching BBC Three.
And may I say well done BBC Three for some excellent Eurovision Song contestual programmes and for giving me the opportunity to explain to a teenager, who – of course – knows it all, that the UK doesn’t have to bother with peripheral fripperies (copyright the late lamented Scouser Ray Moore 1985) such as the Eurovision Song Contest Semi-final, simply because we bung a bung to the European Broadcasting Union?
We are on the UN Security Council.
We lead the British Commonwealth of 2.2 billion people.
We run Montserrat, for pity’s sake!
We deserve to win the European Song Contest every four years.
Why don’t people love us more?
And “Why don’t people love me more?” – is the signature question of Tony Blair.
Answer: You invaded Iraq with that total fuckwit George W Bush, you numpty!
And as a result, after winning Eurovision around the time T Blair came into Downing Street, we have been consigned to the also-rans.
It’s all your fault Blair! That’s what I’d like to see you on trial for. To heck with war crimes!
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